oh word.

BAD MEANS BETTER

2009-09-23T22:42:00.000-07:00

what the fuck was i thinking.

im geetting back to the jissst of thaanngs.

surrounding myself around positive people,

single. ;-)

just got a job at armani xchange.COME VISIT (GSP).

soooooooooooooo

i misss alot of people.

get in touch with me somehow.

bam boozeee alllll

2009-05-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

was pretty amazing.

I HONESTLY FELT EVERY EMOTION YESTERDAY.

goodtimesssss

never been so alive.

2009-04-21T02:22:00.000-07:00

fooling myself with thoughts of what could be.

im glad i know myself well enough to know this will soon past.

so in the meantime i will try my best spending the hours being oblivious to all of this.

its cool,we can still be friends.

how to disappear in america without a trace

2009-02-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

im taking a break from the world.time for myself,my interests....

=)

2009-02-24T04:34:00.000-08:00

"out of sight...out of mind"

i just liked these lyrics..thanks deathcab

2009-02-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

first off ben gibbards voice is amazing.

Left uninspired by the crust of railroad earth that touched the lead to the pages of yout manuscript.
I took my thumb off the concrete and saved up all my strength to hammer pillars for a picket fence.
It wasn't quiet what it seemed...
a lack of pleasantries (my able body isn't what it used to be).
I must admit i was charmed by your advances...
your advantage left me helplessly into you.
Talking how the group had begun to splinter and i could taste your lipstick on the filter...
I tried my best to keep my distance from your dress but call-response overturns convictions every time.
My memory cannot recall...
a wave of alcohol we shared a cigarette and shaved the hours off.
Lushing with the hallway concregation, my best judgement signed its resignation.
I rushed this.We moved too fast, and tripped into the guestroom.

baby im bad news=)

2009-02-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

'Cause you're just damage control for a walking corpse like me - like you"

last night.

likeeee was amazing.

ive learned to act in the moment,no hesitations,no worries.course i was high as shit..=)

...

and what the fuck.it was so sexy outside,new york city needs to continue to stay warm so i can wander around the city and enjoy it..

oh and i heard the cutest reggae song.

by the expendables.its called bowl for two.

of course my maryjane loving ass would find this song adorable.

peep it.

Oh II packed this bowl for two

And II’m gonna wanna smoke it with you

Yes you know it is time

For us to sit down and unwind

I know the feeling, I know the feeling

So stay with me tonight

Gonna kick back relax

Make sure the ganja’s packed

And we’ll feel all right

We’re flying high now

I cannot feel the ground

We’re flying high now

My world is spinning round

So please don’t run away

When my ganja’s all gone

Promise me that you’re gonna stay

When my flight is all done

There’s only one thing left to do

I got this one nug this frosty purple nug

And it’s big enough for two

expressing my feelings through donny miller.

2009-02-11T05:00:00.000-08:00

Buffalo soldiers

2009-02-04T18:11:00.000-08:00

another great spike lee joint.

into good films.

do your self a favor and watch this.

POGO PUNK!

2009-02-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

friday:

whiteplains.

galleria mall parking lot.

vodka

peeing on the edge of elenas car

throwing up on a random parked car

me wearing elenas XwhitechapelshawtzX in 20 degree weather

WORST SHOW EVER.

me being a asshole and punching out 2 punk kids.

getting thrown down stairs

elena was there to save the day.

purchase college

a dollar dub

max is the man.

elena not being able to drive past 50.

SLEEP.

saturday:

montclair state

GETTING HORRIBLE DIRECTIONS.lol

about 5 shots of vodka?...getting us wrecked.=)

learning that protest the hero is hardcore.........

convincing niggas to let me drive after throwing up in the bathroom for a hour.

basically

me and elena being absolutely rediculously awesome and obnoxious at all times.

roadbike

2009-01-25T11:18:00.000-08:00

gsp mall.
toms grandma telling me to put clothes on.
toms 7 yr old cousin telling us to shut up
toms 7yr old cousin pushing me down the stairs
elena laughin at toms cousin pushing me down the stairs
mission to get a dub
girlfriends and over weight sisters hating me and elena
us taking turns saying rediculous things that probably should never be repeated.

ummm none memory of the ride home

passing out

the end

blah blah blah

2009-01-22T11:20:00.000-08:00

im rubbber your glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!!!

me and delilah cant stop singing
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should put a ring on it
AALL DA SINGLE LADIES..ALLL DA SINGLE LADIES

BAHAHAH

AND FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!!!

BAHAH

toms back=)

i start dance classes next week.
cant wait
^_^

LOL

2009-01-21T11:21:00.001-08:00

your childish antics make me lol

wasting time and energy to bash me?

i can play that game too.but in that sense maybe i just love myself to much to let a imbecile bother me.

sassy

2009-01-21T10:43:00.000-08:00

im not hurting one bit.

friends betrayal.
sorry you couldnt handle rejection.
thanks for ruining it though.like really
im happier now because of it.

I WOKE UP AND LOOKED IN THE MIRROR TODAY AND REALIZED IM HAPPY WITH WHAT I SEE.
IM HAPPY WITH THE PERSON I AM
NO ONE CAN BRING ME DOWN.
BEEN SINGLE FOR A WHILE NOW WITH A BIT OF DISTRACTIONS.
BUT NOW I KNOW I DONT HAVE TIME FOR BOYS.ITS ALL ABOUT ME.

oh god for a minute i thought my confidence was a facade.

suck my swagger.

my heart isnt broken,im still not dead

2009-01-19T20:31:00.000-08:00

Lost sight Couldn’t see
When it was you and me
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright
Been black and blue before
There’s no need to explain
I am not the jaded kind
Playback’s such a waste
You’re invisible
Invisible to me
My wish is coming true
Erase the memory of your face
One dayYou will wake up
With nothing but “you’re sorrys”And someday
You will get back
Everything you gave me

if it nots forever.its just tonite

2009-01-17T21:33:00.000-08:00

woke up to the voice of my lesbian cousins wigger probation officer
got to eat tropical smoothie=)

tyler and me slipped and busted our asses on ice.
a yorkshire terrior pissed on my lap
drived around..smoking joints .listening to slightly stoopid.
tyler is a amazing friend.she really is
i probably have the most fun with her.

me and my mom are sleeping over her friends house.
i have a joint in my pocket and some matches.
im going to be sneaky sneaky
;)

.sleep never came so easy,
goodnight,

When we sat outside for an hour at the party and talked
I thought something good could be starting
It's not a lot that I want
just some talking
and really, you just injured my pride

A. You're gay
B. You've got a girlfriend
C. You kinda thought I came on too strong or
D. I just wasn't your thing
no ring

Susan said that maybe you're scared
Shelly says there always is a reason
and Chris said you're probably surrounded by girls
and I'm just not one of them you're needing

oh dip wknd trip.

2009-01-17T09:50:00.000-08:00

last night was great

drove about 4 of the hrs to va
double teamed a screaming match against old people with my mom

hungout with old friends

smoked.
saw the cutest french bulldog ever.

simple night yet awesome.

i still hate waiting.

We are not the same, I am a martian

2009-01-15T19:09:00.000-08:00

i find myself on mars lately more than i should probably be vacationin

my brother just put his bare ass on top of my foot

i cant stop laughing

im listening to the sleeping.

they remind me of justin for some reason.

i dunno...reminds me,he has my brandnew cd >_<

apologies are being excepted.

my moms drunkiez with my aunt

its lol enriched.

i miss tom! that fag.

i need female friends that are as idiotic and spontaneous as meh.

i need a ipod fuck.

i hate spanish boys.

ima h34rtbr34k3r

fuck i love chicken

i like being smothered.

never happenz this way.

i really do love lucy

rufio is good when your high.

anchorsssss aweigggggggggggggggggggh!

shortbreaths

2009-01-15T17:19:00.001-08:00

if i break down all that i am
what its worth to walk
if i turn around what matters most in time
to talk to remind
all in time will be
later on we can try
thats how the days go
but you were always the one to stay the same
and i know i dont deserve this..
i know we can fall in there
then unfall again
my legs feel like rubber
feeling romance,playing the fool
you werent alone.
these shadows are taking care of us
drinking myself silly night after night.
wanting some claim on your heart
its on the tip of my tongue and itll never go away
this dream is just begging to end

im going to virginia beach tomorrow.

love taught me to lie

2009-01-13T00:10:00.000-08:00

ive made some mistakes recently.

prob the most in the last few months than ever in my life.

for those of you who look past the coating and tried to see me for the person i truly am,thank you.

thank you for standing by me,and letting me care about you with whats left.

my heart is happy..

dallas green has the most amazing voice i swear.

its my mommys birthday,shes amazing.

I'd squeeze a heart through my fingertip, but I type too slow to make expressions stick.

everything is falling into place.

im beginning to know what i want

to know what is right for me.

ill wait forever if i had to.

Lets play boys chase girls.

2009-01-09T22:05:00.000-08:00

okay,i felt the urge to start blogging again..or maybeee i just got exposed to someone else's and it reminded me of what a outlet this blogspot shit can be.

hmm where am i at life.

back living in north new jersey.

no job. no school.just living

..not even socializing much,no effort in making new friends..for what?

single..kinda

oh man..2009,this is looking good

the suns never seemed so bright.

..i feel like with every new year comes new beginnings,im not quite sure why i had to wait for it to be technically 2009 to feel like i was able to start fresh.ive just been hanging in the city as often as i can wether by myself or with worthy friends..and boy is new york city beautiful in the winter..

i started this year with no negativity,no skanky gross friends who use people,no scummy guys.

hopefully this is my year.a good year,where i have no boys bashing my car windows,where im not miserable at school,where bestfriends dont stab me in the back...yehhh this year will be amazing.

lol im trying to be a visionary here....

and finally my guy situation is rather well

just...confusing.

i dont know how i should feel,what i should think,what i should want.

its always easier to have a guard up.

its always easier as "just friends".

oh and i miss my bestfrand aaron cave who left me to be in the army

easy does it.

the secret about boys is that they want you to like them

they want you to like them

they want you to let them

the secret about girls is they want you to like them

they want you to like them

they want you

the secret about girls is they want you to like them

they want you to like them

they want you to think they're cool.

..im feeling rough! im feelling raw.im having the time of my life=]

2008-10-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first,

sometimes the first thing you want never comes......

AND....SOOOOO

i dont know if im content with how im living my life.

BUT

i know im having a hell of a time with each day that passes by.

the getting in trouble,the dbag guys i tend to like,the shitty cafeteria food,doesnt seem significant anymore.i can honestly smilee a genuine smile,and be happy.

AND

thats where im at in life=]

going to nyc this upcoming wknd,and im stoked to see those i care for.

looks like im transferring for sure.

and holy fuck hallooweeen is so close!

blaaaahh

smoke weed errday wif my nigz.

(ill cut down soon i swear ! o_0)

i stilll want what i cant have =/

i was never the girl next door.

2008-10-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

yesterday...all in all..was one of the best times ive had in a while.annd i honestly have Devin Lee to thank for it,i swear that girl is such a amazing individual.

i felt in touch with myself more than ever.like i understood who i was and excepted every flaw i had thanks to whatever it is i took.

i dont even want to talk about yesterday,i feel like the memory is enough.

as for tonite.....

more lies and deception?

"i was never the girl next door."

and i thought you might still care..

2008-10-04T02:07:00.000-07:00

when i drink

i say things i dont wanna say

i do things i dont wanna do

i talk mean to you

but if i think

i just might get something out of this.

my parents taught me to learn when i miss

just do your best

its the only way to keep the last bit of sanity

maybe i dont have to be good

but i can try to be.

at least a little better than ive been so far

but when i drink

i hear things that arent really there

i feel things when i shouldnt really care

have fist fights with the air

but if i think about someone besides myself

i lived through the silver and the bell

with something to tell

just do your best.

its the only way to keep that last bit of sanity

maybe i dont have to be good but i can try to be

at least a little better than ive been so far.

This is what you think you know best...

2008-10-01T06:21:00.000-07:00

i havent dabbled with blogging in a while..

lets just reccap where im in life.

soo im now 19..

and i now live in sarasota florida where ive encountered more trouble than i could have ever imagined.

the college life really is willlddd.even if its art school.

ha oh and im lyke totally blonde.haha

ive gotten to experience what scumbags florida has to offer..

ive almost got arrested..twice.

ive lost multiple pairs of shoes and my ipod being a drunky mess..lol.

i thought i rekindled the most meaningful friendship i ever had.but no ..wronggg again..

this whole experience is too overwhelming.i feel like a big baby just complaining all the time about it.

im too far fromm home.ive met amazing people,and have never made so many female friends..like...i just dont think i could ever call this place home,soo once again..when things get to difficult i do what i do best..move and start over...next stop...philly,for the art institute..should be goodtimes,i know a handful of people in the area..and its still close enough to nyc...

my smiles are becoming artificial.

i just want to be happy again.like really happyyy..

blahh..i should be paying attention to class...

ill probably be blogging more often noww.

its the same four walls that have always been

just sitting in my room that i havent lived in

and i feel so completely changed

but everything around me is exactly the same,

im not the girl that i was befor

feel like im lying each time i walk through the door

sleeping in my own bed feels like a sin

its hard to sink back into my life again

the walls are empty

floors are messy like i left them

but now it seems im going in a different direction

i cant believe im a stranger in my own room

feel like nothing is mine

and it all belongs to you..

and over again..

2008-07-07T12:13:00.001-07:00

once again,im picking up and leaving a place once i just started getting comfortable.i really enjoy new jersey and the people i met....but i need to go somewhere in life.just partying and shit isnt gonna get me anywhere.soo..im about to pack...for florida...im so excited about school.just scared to be on my own..but hey im gonna visit nj as often as i can.

anyway this past week has been crazy.

i was a mess yesterday.i thinkk i pretty much broke someones heart,..im into someone else for no reason..since im leaving in a day..

fuck i just want my life to start over.

at least i can say im not too shy and hopefully ill make friends fast.

ive been partying with my brother too..i shoulda brought him out to more parties befor.hes the man.lol...i dont think im doing anything today/tonite...i kinda feel like poop.

blahhhh.

and fuck...rollin face.....wowww...last nite......woow...lolol

2008-06-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

so i havent blogged in a while,there hasnt been need too.

went to infest last nite was pretty ill till i got kicked out minus the nu metalish looking kids.ha...actually it was pretty tight even after i got kicked out.

ive made amends with all the bridges ive burned with anyone over the last few weeks.

i died my hair red as fuck.and i like it.

the boy situation is lacking.someone fix it.lol

over all im happy.

usually i use this blogshit to vent but i dont have shit to complain about.

oh and i al;ways put a picture up but i wasnt sure what too put..so yeh..it made me LOL...

take care nignogz.

xoxo

cruissse and booze!!!

2008-06-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

and i probably wont miss anyone quite frankly

fuck mmmyyy life =]

2008-05-29T08:47:00.001-07:00

lol,i dunno why but after everything the last few days i keep saying fuck my life.
sooo lets catch the last few days.
weekend was spent in virginia beach.
saturday spent the day/night with the boiz,and it was the most fun i had in a while.
sunday bumped into casper from highschool,and ended up going to a party with morgan where everyone in my highschool was at.which was awkward because i never partied with them while actualy in highschool.but yeh,that shit was good times.
and monday..oh monday,right befor me and morgan hopped on that ghetto ass chinatown bus,we smoked...with roniiee...annd justin,and once again i felt awkward.justin seriously is one of the cutest most adorable guys ive ever talked to.but ok let me get over it blaaahh.

OK SO THAT FUCKING BUS.seriously mad fucking looud and ghetto,everyone was mad black.lol and i was rolling with my little itty bitty blonde morgan,we stuck out like a sore thumb.lol
the last 2 days weve been here weve basically did nothing but smoke.
went to the mongoloids,kidslikeus show last night.
these 2 boys kissed on the mouth cuz i asked them too?
new jersey so different fromvirginia.

most importantly,i got my acceptance letter from ringling!
sooo off too florida in a few weeks/months.
not sure what i wanna do.
im just stoked on life i got in=]

and can we please stop mocking/making fun of the way i talk?

haha
thanks.
xoxo

good girls dont have fun..=] l

2008-05-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

yoo,this weekend was good.

partied with a bunch of cool kids,met awesome people,went to a comedy club in the city,smoked madd weed,drank mad liq's....

.i honestly....cant wait for summer....

oh...i accomplished making my bro smoke ... =]

fuck it..being a good girl is over rated.. i drink i smoke...

i curse like a sailor,and i make fun of people for fun..fuck it i like getting into trouble,as long as it doesnt involve cops.lol

yes i am a scumbag..

nice to meet you.

so yeh i dont needd to write much.life is good.

single,dramfree,happy.

fuck that beef shit;)

xoxo

420!!!

2008-04-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

soo.....i quit my job last night.

this is how.

assistant manager:i thought u leave at 12.

me:umm no .i was suppose to leave 30 min ago.

her:welll kathy thought u left at 12

me:well i dont and i really dont need to explain myself to you

her:umm yes you do.

me:no i dont.

her:.i swear to gawd i hate lil girls

me:excuse me whose a little girl.

her:you

me:ohh well your fat.

her:hahaha lok at you your a hott mess.

me:why do u work ehr they dont even make clothes your

size honestly.

her :yeh lil girl blah blah have a goodnight lil girl.

me:go back to school and get a real job.fat black bitch.

sticks middle finger up.

lol

and yeh soo...that was that..today i went to a broadway show called november.with some famous actors and shit.it was pretty dope.i argued with my mom in the car.blaaaaaaah nothign new.soo yeh im goin to virginia tomorrow.im gonna try to stay as long as i can i swear.

i cant wait to see certain people.

but its mad wack i leave at like 5 from chinatown right....its 420...i need to find someone to smoke wiht right befor i hop on that long ass bus ride.lol

ohhh yeh im slowly becoming a alchy.ive drank maybe 5 days this week..and mostly alone.

shit happens.lol

happy 420<3

justin<3333

i am the ghost

2008-04-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

im listenign to styles p..hence the title is i am the ghost..lol...i dunno.im buggin.its late..im up..chitchatting my night away.

heres a update on my life.

1.i madeout with lalas mannequin doll head..

2.morgan is my bitch.ride or die.i will slice a slut for her.

3.work is fun..grand opening is tomorrow. at garden state plaza.come visit me=]

4.my lobes look like fucking buttholes.and i cant take it.

5.my stickam got banned...dunno why...probably cuz niggahs stay flapping out there dicks..add my new one... http://www.stickam.com/yourascumbag

6.parental control is a really awful scripted show.

7.i woke up hungover

8.i think im balding.

last but not least .all i think about is justin<33333

OH AND WTF I WAS LURKING JEFFREE STARS PAGE TO SEE WTF HES ABOUT.LIKE HOW THE FUCK IS THAT THING FAMOUS.AND I SAW THIS.AND I SWEAR THIS PERSON IS THE BIGGEST TOOOL EVER.I WOULD SCISSOR KICK THE BITCH IN THE HEAD WHO INKED THAT FACE ON THAT LOSERS BODY.

lol.ok bye

haha yeh ok.

later brah

money over bitches

2008-04-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

ahhh..sooo ive worked a crazy schedule this weekend.resulting in me being to tired to go out and party like normally on a saturday night....i guess ill sacrifice the next few weeks to make someeeee monnneyyzz..=]

yehh and lifes going good.i need change though..soo im pretty sure im closing my african tribal lobes up..lol,and im gonna like go get my hair done on tuesday cut it,and dye it i guess.

ummm..i miss hanging with lala.no matter what thats my partner in crime...im thinking about staying in jersey for the summer instead of moving in early june seeing how i know no one in florida..and id probably be miserable,,lol.

i wish a certain someone was with me right now..because honestly every guy i meet lately is a fuckign creep or a meathead who likes sluts...smart sluts though..the ones that know how to act like their not complete nutjobs..but in the long run the truth always shines right?..once again i dont chase them i replace them..haha oh better yet as i always say..NEXT back on the bus...haha

but for real im so content with who im talking to at the moment.hes that cutest in every way.

soooo yeh,after watchign juno .which im pretty sure is the most adorable movie ever..i got a glimpse of this painting on the wall in the beginning scene.and i def copied that idea and did that thing..which came pretty damn close..i dont have a camera and im tired of taking pics with my god damn piece of shit phone.i cant wait for my first paycheck.SHITSSS GONNA BE FATTER THATN YOUR GRANDMAS PUUSSSAAAAY.ok im gonna go lay down on my couch and watch degrassi...yes im that lame.hasta la vista...baybee.

till i die ima live it up

2008-03-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

at the moment.im stoked on everything.im having a little party tomorrow,..should be fun.i WILL get ripped.and probably make a ass out of myself as always.sweet.

....i got a job today...and i disenrolled from berkeley college.its all about me for the next 2 months until i move away from this shithole place..a.k.a. jersey.

oh and...no more worries with guys.im over chasing them...hahah the new motto is...i dont chase them ,i replace them..

yeh,i made this copying this boy i use to dig more than anything.figure i could use it to vent instead of posting so many god damn pointless bulletin

via the myspace,since that shit is played out.so blah im a copy cat.lol

oh welll.....and fuck i have to clean my room tonite for this little shindig tomorrow.its a fucking mess.blah,ima do that starting about now since itll take me hours.blah,peace nignogs.