..im feeling rough! im feelling raw.im having the time of my life=]

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first,

sometimes the first thing you want never comes......

AND....SOOOOO

i dont know if im content with how im living my life.

BUT

i know im having a hell of a time with each day that passes by.

the getting in trouble,the dbag guys i tend to like,the shitty cafeteria food,doesnt seem significant anymore.i can honestly smilee a genuine smile,and be happy.

 AND 

thats where im at in life=]

going to nyc this upcoming wknd,and im stoked to see those i care for.

looks like im transferring for sure.

and holy fuck hallooweeen is so close!

blaaaahh

smoke weed errday wif my nigz.

(ill cut down soon i swear ! o_0)

i stilll want what i cant have =/

i was never the girl next door.

yesterday...all in all..was one of the best times ive had in a while.annd i honestly have Devin Lee to thank for it,i swear that girl is such a amazing individual.

i felt in touch with myself more than ever.like i understood who i was and excepted every flaw i had thanks to whatever it is i took.

i dont even want to talk about yesterday,i feel like the memory is enough.

as for tonite.....

more lies and deception?

"i was never the girl next door."

and i thought you might still care..

when i drink 

i say things i dont wanna say

i do things i dont wanna do

i talk mean to you

but if i think

i just might get something out of this.

my parents taught me to learn when i miss

just do your best

its the only way to keep the last bit of sanity

maybe i dont have to be good

but i can try to be.

at least a little better than ive been so far

but when i drink

i hear things that arent really there

i feel things when i shouldnt really care

have fist fights with the air

but if i think about someone besides myself

i lived through the silver and the bell

with something to tell

just do your best.

its the only way to keep that last bit of sanity

maybe i dont have to be good but i can try to be

at least a little better than ive been so far.

This is what you think you know best...

i havent dabbled with blogging in a while..

lets just reccap where im in life.

soo im now 19..

and i now live in sarasota florida where ive encountered more trouble than i could have ever imagined.

the college life really is willlddd.even if its art school.

ha oh and im lyke totally blonde.haha

ive gotten to experience what scumbags florida has to offer..

ive almost got arrested..twice.

ive lost multiple pairs of shoes and my ipod being a drunky mess..lol.

i thought i rekindled the most meaningful friendship i ever had.but no ..wronggg again..

this whole experience is too overwhelming.i feel like a big baby just complaining all the time about it.

im too far fromm home.ive met amazing people,and have never made so many female friends..like...i just dont think i could ever call this place home,soo once again..when things get to difficult i do what i do best..move and start over...next stop...philly,for the art institute..should be goodtimes,i know a handful of people in the area..and its still close enough to nyc...

my smiles are becoming artificial.

i just want to be happy again.like really happyyy..

blahh..i should be paying attention to class...

ill probably be blogging more often noww.

its the same four walls that have always been

just sitting in my room that i havent lived in

and i feel so completely changed

but everything around me is exactly the same,

im not the girl that i was befor

feel like im lying each time i walk through the door

sleeping in my own bed feels like a sin

its hard to sink back into my life again

the walls are empty

floors are messy like i left them

but now it seems im going in a different direction

i cant believe im a stranger in my own room

feel like nothing is mine

and it all belongs to you..

and over again..

once again,im picking up and leaving a place once i just started getting comfortable.i really enjoy new jersey and the people i met....but i need to go somewhere in life.just partying and shit isnt gonna get me anywhere.soo..im about to pack...for florida...im so excited about school.just scared to be on my own..but hey im gonna visit nj as often as i can.

anyway this past week has been crazy.

i was a mess yesterday.i thinkk i pretty much broke someones heart,..im into someone else for no reason..since im leaving in a day..

fuck i just want my life to start over.

at least i can say im not too shy and hopefully ill make friends fast.

ive been partying with my brother too..i shoulda brought him out to more parties befor.hes the man.lol...i dont think im doing anything today/tonite...i kinda feel like poop.

blahhhh.

and fuck...rollin face.....wowww...last nite......woow...lolol

so i havent blogged in a while,there hasnt been need too.

went to infest last nite was pretty ill till i got kicked out minus the nu metalish looking kids.ha...actually it was pretty tight even after i got kicked out.

ive made amends with all the bridges ive burned with anyone over the last few weeks.

i died my hair red as fuck.and i like it.

the boy situation is lacking.someone fix it.lol

over all im happy.

usually i use this blogshit to vent but i dont have shit to complain about.

oh and i al;ways put a picture up but i wasnt sure what too put..so yeh..it made me LOL...

take care nignogz.

xoxo

cruissse and booze!!!

and i probably wont miss anyone quite frankly

=]

fuck mmmyyy life =]

lol,i dunno why but after everything the last few days i keep saying fuck my life.
sooo lets catch the last few days.
weekend was spent in virginia beach.
saturday spent the day/night with the boiz,and it was the most fun i had in a while.
sunday bumped into casper from highschool,and ended up going to a party with morgan where everyone in my highschool was at.which was awkward because i never partied with them while actualy in highschool.but yeh,that shit was good times.
and monday..oh monday,right befor me and morgan hopped on that ghetto ass chinatown bus,we smoked...with roniiee...annd justin,and once again i felt awkward.justin seriously is one of the cutest most adorable guys ive ever talked to.but ok let me get over it blaaahh.

OK SO THAT FUCKING BUS.seriously mad fucking looud and ghetto,everyone was mad black.lol and i was rolling with my little itty bitty blonde morgan,we stuck out like a sore thumb.lol
the last 2 days weve been here weve basically did nothing but smoke.
went to the mongoloids,kidslikeus show last night.
these 2 boys kissed on the mouth cuz i asked them too?
new jersey so different fromvirginia.

most importantly,i got my acceptance letter from ringling!
sooo off too florida in a few weeks/months.
not sure what i wanna do.
im just stoked on life i got in=]


and can we please stop mocking/making fun of the way i talk?

haha
thanks.
xoxo

good girls dont have fun..=] l

yoo,this weekend was good.

partied with a bunch of cool kids,met awesome people,went to a comedy club in the city,smoked madd weed,drank mad liq's....

.i honestly....cant wait for summer....

oh...i accomplished making my bro smoke ... =]

fuck it..being a good girl is over rated.. i drink i smoke...

i curse like a sailor,and i make fun of people for fun..fuck it i like getting into trouble,as long as it doesnt involve cops.lol

yes i am a scumbag..

nice to meet you.

so yeh i dont needd to write much.life is good.

single,dramfree,happy.

fuck that beef shit;)

xoxo

420!!!

soo.....i quit my job last night.

this is how.

assistant manager:i thought u leave at 12.

me:umm no .i was suppose to leave 30 min ago.

her:welll kathy thought u left at 12

me:well i dont and i really dont need to explain myself to you

her:umm yes you do.

me:no i dont.

her:.i swear to gawd i hate lil girls

me:excuse me whose a little girl.

her:you

me:ohh well your fat.

her:hahaha lok at you your a hott mess.

me:why do u work ehr they dont even make clothes your

size honestly.

her :yeh lil girl blah blah have a goodnight lil girl.

me:go back to school and get a real job.fat black bitch.

sticks middle finger up.

=]

lol

and yeh soo...that was that..today i went to a broadway show called november.with some famous actors and shit.it was pretty dope.i argued with my mom in the car.blaaaaaaah nothign new.soo yeh im goin to virginia tomorrow.im gonna try to stay as long as i can i swear.

i cant wait to see certain people.

but its mad wack i leave at like 5 from chinatown right....its 420...i need to find someone to smoke wiht right befor i hop on that long ass bus ride.lol

ohhh yeh im slowly becoming a alchy.ive drank maybe 5 days this week..and mostly alone.

shit happens.lol

=]

happy 420<3

justin<3333

i am the ghost

im listenign to styles p..hence the title is i am the ghost..lol...i dunno.im buggin.its late..im up..chitchatting my night away.

heres a update on my life.

1.i madeout with lalas mannequin doll head..

2.morgan is my bitch.ride or die.i will slice a slut for her.

3.work is fun..grand opening is tomorrow. at garden state plaza.come visit me=]

4.my lobes look like fucking buttholes.and i cant take it.

5.my stickam got banned...dunno why...probably cuz niggahs stay flapping out there dicks..add my new one... http://www.stickam.com/yourascumbag

6.parental control is a really awful scripted show.

7.i woke up hungover

8.i think im balding.

last but not least .all i think about is justin<33333

OH AND WTF I WAS LURKING JEFFREE STARS PAGE TO SEE WTF HES ABOUT.LIKE HOW THE FUCK IS THAT THING FAMOUS.AND I SAW THIS.AND I SWEAR THIS PERSON IS THE BIGGEST TOOOL EVER.I WOULD SCISSOR KICK THE BITCH IN THE HEAD WHO INKED THAT FACE ON THAT LOSERS BODY.

lol.ok bye

haha yeh ok.

later brah

money over bitches

ahhh..sooo ive worked a crazy schedule this weekend.resulting in me being to tired to go out and party like normally on a saturday night....i guess ill sacrifice the next few weeks to make someeeee monnneyyzz..=]

yehh and lifes going good.i need change though..soo im pretty sure im closing my african tribal lobes up..lol,and im gonna like go get my hair done on tuesday cut it,and dye it i guess.

ummm..i miss hanging with lala.no matter what thats my partner in crime...im thinking about staying in jersey for the summer instead of moving in early june seeing how i know no one in florida..and id probably be miserable,,lol.

i wish a certain someone was with me right now..because honestly every guy i meet lately is a fuckign creep or a meathead who likes sluts...smart sluts though..the ones that know how to act like their not complete nutjobs..but in the long run the truth always shines right?..once again i dont chase them i replace them..haha oh better yet as i always say..NEXT back on the bus...haha

but for real im so content with who im talking to at the moment.hes that cutest in every way.

soooo yeh,after watchign juno .which im pretty sure is the most adorable movie ever..i got a glimpse of this painting on the wall in the beginning scene.and i def copied that idea and did that thing..which came pretty damn close..i dont have a camera and im tired of taking pics with my god damn piece of shit phone.i cant wait for my first paycheck.SHITSSS GONNA BE FATTER THATN YOUR GRANDMAS PUUSSSAAAAY.ok im gonna go lay down on my couch and watch degrassi...yes im that lame.hasta la vista...baybee.

till i die ima live it up

at the moment.im stoked on everything.im having a little party tomorrow,..should be fun.i WILL get ripped.and probably make a ass out of myself as always.sweet.

....i got a job today...and i disenrolled from berkeley college.its all about me for the next 2 months until i move away from this shithole place..a.k.a. jersey.

oh and...no more worries with guys.im over chasing them...hahah the new motto is...i dont chase them ,i replace them..

yeh,i made this copying this boy i use to dig more than anything.figure i could use it to vent instead of posting so many god damn pointless bulletin

via the myspace,since that shit is played out.so blah im a copy cat.lol

oh welll.....and fuck i have to clean my room tonite for this little shindig tomorrow.its a fucking mess.blah,ima do that starting about now since itll take me hours.blah,peace nignogs.